Can’t Is A Curse Word
The “about me” section of my resume used to read as follows:
“I am the kind of person who undoubtedly believes that I could get a job at Vogue one day. I am also the kind of person who will let my car get on empty and have no doubt that I will get to my final destination without running out of gas.
I am minorly delusional, in a way that I believe all creatives, optimists, and entrepreneurs are. I would define myself as all three of these things.”
Now, I never got a job using that version of my resume. May have played my cards a little too confidently, ha! The radical optimist in me believes those things to my core. I have never had a problem viewing the glass as half full.
When I was in the 5th grade, I shared to my Instagram that when I grew up, I was going to be a UL basketball player or a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. Of course I could be both.
When I was in middle and high school, I got cut from my dance team 4x before I made it. I drew circles on the wall of our unfinished basement to teach myself how to turn every night after practice. I wasn’t taking no for an answer.
On the President of SKIMS and Co-Founder of Good American, Emma Grede's podcast Aspire, she talks about how there is no room she walks into that she doesn’t believe she has something to offer. I resonate with that.
I credit that to my dad constantly telling me when I was growing up, “Never say you can’t.”
In our house, “can’t” was a curse word.
When learning how to ride a bike and repeatedly falling off, I would say “I CAN’T!!!” and my dad would continue his mantra, “Never say you can’t.” and make me get back on.
If someone suggested I apply to some lofty job and I replied, “well, I can’t do that…” my dad would say, “Never say you can’t.”
Because why couldn’t I?
The truth is, I can!
In college, I befriended two “yes” people. They genuinely have never told me “they can’t” in our entire friendship.
I told these friends that I wanted them in town for my birthday, so they’re both coming into town. Then we heard Kanye is playing in Tampa two days later, so we’re all flying there the day after. Because we can.
Every bizarre idea I’ve dreamt out loud to them, they have responded with “YOU CAN.”
“You CAN do it!” “We CAN go!”
In my adult life, I have learned “can” and “can’t” are contagious.
Befriending two friends who always tell me I can has made my life all the more richer.
On the contrary, you need to be cautious around “can’t” people.
“You CAN’T do that…” “You CAN’T wear that…” “You CAN’T post that…”
It’s funny. “Can’t” often comes from a place of jealousy. “Can’t” people want to be “can” people, but they haven’t gained the confidence to do it quite yet.
If a “can” person came to a “can’t” person excited about something, the “can’t” person would laugh and say that “you’re always up to something…”
If a “can” person came to a “can’t” person with a big dream, the “can’t” person would remind them of the last dream they didn’t accomplish…
Allow me to share some words of wisdom from “yes friends” group chat.
“Can” and “can’t” imply that there is a “right way” of doing things, which is not true. There is no rule book to life.
The only rule book I can think of would be the Bible, and it says:
“You CAN do ALL things through Christ who gives you strength.”
In the words of my father, “never say YOU CAN’T,” whether that is to yourself or others.
Because can’t is a curse word.
